A five-step guide to pissing your time up the wall when working from home

DOES your boss stupidly allow you to spend days at home ‘working’? Here’s how to make the most of what is essentially a massive skive.

Be a smug bastard about your partner having to go to work

Make yourself a cup of tea, take it back to bed and lie there sipping smugly while they search desperately for the car keys you amusingly hid the night before.

Watch the whole of This Morning

You probably haven’t ingested this much inane nonsense through your eyeballs since the days of Richard and Judy, so while you plan on only watching five minutes you’ll sit through the whole two hours in a state of disbelieving glee.

Make an incredibly elaborate lunch

Your usual lunch at work is a sad egg sandwich eaten at your desk so make the most of having the kitchen to yourself by creating a masterpiece worthy of Heston Blumenthal and creating a lot of mess.

Spend the afternoon in an increasingly weird YouTube hole

Enjoy not having your boss monitoring your every move by watching a YouTube video of a duck that’s friends with a kitten. Then click on another video and another and another until you find you’ve wasted four hours but have become an expert on 9/11 conspiracy theories.

Panic because you’ve done absolutely fuck all work

Spend the remaining five minutes of your working day making up an elaborate lie to tell your boss about how you couldn’t do any work because there was a mysterious power cut between 9am and 5.30.