Are you sexually promiscuous enough at work?

ARE you worried that you’ve slept with less than half of your office, and it’s affecting your reputation and career prospects? Take our test:

How do you get on with your colleagues?  

A. You have some good chats and a bit of banter, perhaps occasional light flirtations.

B. You avoid speaking to around a quarter of them because you’re both haunted by bad sex in a Holiday Inn Express in Wolverhampton.

What stresses you out at work? 

A. Struggling to meet your performance targets.

B. Shadowy figures glimpsed in the car park who might be Lucy’s husband Steve on leave from the Royal Marines waiting to rip your arms off.

Do you socialise with your colleagues?

A. Every few months we make the effort to have a pub lunch out on a Friday.

B. If by socialise you mean ‘surreptitiously have affairs with that end acrimoniously’ then yes, though even the ones you haven’t shagged think you’re a bastard now.

Do you have any occupational health worries?

A. I get twinges in my wrists from typing.

B. I get twinges in my knob from STDs.

What was your last bollocking from your boss for?

A. Forgetting to process a batch of invoices leading to complaints from irate suppliers.

B. Getting spunk on the dashboard of her Audi.


Mostly As: You are sensible, boring, and have never had to retreat to the stock room sweating in terror because the managing director’s PA is late. You know, ‘late’. And it’s damaging your career.

Mostly Bs: You’re the office lothario, Romeo, and gigolo, and you’re receiving promotion after promotion from bosses who’ve inadvisedly slept with you and don’t want to look at you any more. Congratulations.