Are you struggling to take off your pyjamas?

PYJAMAS are delightfully easy to put on but require almost impossible strength of will to take off. Take our test to see if you’re managing to get out of yours: 

Are you still in your pyjamas because without them you feel raw, vulnerable and cold and it would be just be very horrible and you’re not ready for it?

Are you in the kitchen making breakfast, even though your previous meal was also breakfast, and noticing a musty smell that could be described as ‘dry dog?’

Are you struggling to find a pair of brogues that go with loose, brushed-cotton tartan?

When exiting the house are you suddenly very aware of the temperature and your lack of insulating layers?

Are you very conscious that all your bits are visibly jiggling around on your walk to work?

Are you trying to kid yourself that pajama bottoms can pass for smart striped summer trousers?

Was your entire journey to work just an idle daydream as you lay back on the sofa trying to find the motivation to leave it?


Mostly YES: You are still in your pyjamas. It does not look like you will be out of your pyjamas anytime soon.

Mostly NO: You are not in pyjamas, and are already keenly regretting this.

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Museum of 1970s sex euphemisms to open in Leeds

A MUSEUM dedicated to double entendres, saucy remarks and leering at birds through windows is to open in Leeds this summer. 

The Museum of Melons and Choppers, the first of its kind outside Sweden, will be opened by the Princess of Wales cutting a ribbon holding up the mayor’s trousers, which will then fall exposing his genitals to a cheering crowd.

Curator Tom Logan said: “Bring the kids along and teach them wonderful heritage phrases like ‘legover’, ‘crumpet’, ‘rumpo’, and ‘how’s your father’.

“With the Carry On and Confessions films disappearing from our screens replaced by euphemism-free hardcore pornography, generations may miss out on the puerile, repressed and often downright incomprehensible slang which saw Britain through decades of sexual frustration.

“With the aid of nubile female and hopelessly horny male assistants, we guide visitors the many arms-length ways in which their parents and grandparents discussed sexual intercourse.

“It’s vital to witness how a nation fumbled around, guided only by the suggestive leers of Barbara Windsor and Robin Askwith, and ended up propagating a further generation without ever understanding how.”

He added: “Also, boobs were better in the 70s. They just were.”