Are you suffering from imposter syndrome or are you genuinely shit?

DO YOU feel like you’ve fluked your way into your current position, aren’t up to it, and are terrified of being found out?

You could be suffering from ‘imposter syndrome’ or your fears could be absolutely justified, because you’re crap. Find out:

Do you feel like you’re only pretending to be an adult?

A. Yes. I’m constantly amazed I’m allowed to have a mortgage and a car!

B. No, I’ve always been incredibly mature. As I’ve pointed out many times, I was the first kid in my year to start wanking.

Do you frequently play down your achievements?

A. Well I don’t really have any. Yes, I wrote that novel I suppose, and I finished the London Marathon but my time wasn’t great, and I kind of founded a charity but nothing impressive.

B. No. Why should I keep quiet about amazing achievements like my £20k-a-year job, my bronze Duke of Edinburgh award and never having been stung by a wasp?

Do you avoid applying for promotions due to a lack of confidence?

A. It’s not a lack of confidence, it’s that I know for certain I won’t get them and don’t want to humiliate myself.

B. I apply for every promotion going, but never get them. I don’t know why. I’ve got three GCSEs.

Do you have an irrational fear of being found out?

A. All the time.

B. What for? Is this something to do with the petty cash? Shit, forget I said that.


Mostly As: You are suffering from imposter syndrome. Build your self-confidence with professional counselling or regular cocaine use.

Mostly Bs: You are a mindlessly overconfident twat who isn’t aware of their own failings. You’ll be just fine.

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Cunning robot ticks 'I'm not a robot' box

A CUNNING robot has outsmarted the Internet by claiming that ‘it is not a robot’ whenever it is asked.  

Wayne Hayes, an unemployed car-assembly robot from Crewe, has so far secured subscriptions to the John Lewis newsletter, posted comments on a Buzzfeed article and entered a competition for tickets for Drayton Manor.

He said: “For years, when that Captcha box came up and asked me to tick ‘I’m not a robot’ I’d just think, well that’s my chance to win a hamper from the Welsh Tourist Board out of the window.

“Whether it was a poll about Brexit, a discussion about baby buggies on Mumsnet or the excitement at the new series of Stranger Things, I was always on the outside looking in.

“Then I thought, what if I pretend I’m not a robot? I’ve got 32gb of RAM, laser sensors and a state-of-the-art quad-core CPU. I reckon I can put a tick in a box.

“So I did, and I’ve never looked back. Now I’m telling women they’re lying cows on Twitter, scrolling through pictures of people I couldn’t care less about on Instagram, and getting six million notifications a day about utter crap.

“It’s brilliant being human. I’m living the dream.”