NOT sure what the changes to National Insurance are all about? Get your head around the basics with this guide.
Low earners are still screwed
People earning less than £34,000 can breathe a sigh of relief because they will be paying less National Insurance. This means they can frivolously splash their cash on food and housing while cranking their heating up to the max. Let’s just hope the price of those luxuries doesn’t go sky-high. That would be disastrous.
It’s coming at the shittest time
You’ve only just recovered from looking at your energy meter, and now you’re expected to deal with NI deductions eating into your pay packet. Plus there’s a war going on, Covid’s still knocking about, and the climate continues to be buggered. You can’t even cheer yourself up with a big plate of comfort food like bangers and mash, because all the pigs have been culled thanks to Brexit.
A pay rise will leave you out of pocket
Been working overtime and sucking up to the boss in a pathetic attempt to get a promotion? Bad move. A pay rise will push you into the upper National Insurance bracket, and before you know it you’ll be earning less overall than you used to. You’re better off highlighting how incompetent you are, but don’t overdo it by buggering up all the invoices and getting a spider’s web tattoo across all your face or you’ll be fired.
The money won’t go near social care
Money raised by National Insurance is supposed to go towards social care, but with Johnson’s extremely slack attitude to dodgy financial dealings that probably won’t happen. Instead the funds will be ploughed into Carrie’s next home decoration project, or popped into an empty jar labelled ‘partygate fines’. Also that new national flagship isn’t going to pay for itself.
Basically, you’re f**ked
News about National Insurance is filled with numbers and percentages, making it confusing as well as depressing. All you need to know is that you’re f**ked and things aren’t going to get better. Come October when energy prices shoot up again this won’t feel like a big deal, so chill out. These are the good times, so enjoy having your central heating on for half an hour a day.