THE UK has awoken, opened the curtains to windows that are nothing but rectangles of darkness, and realised that summer was just a silly dream.
The darkness, which will soon be there to greet the country the moment it finishes work as well as first thing, has reminded Britain that long, lazy days in the sunshine have never, ever happened.
Helen Archer of Harrogate said: “You know those dreams that almost seem real? Until you’re like, of course that didn’t actually take place. I’d remember.
“In the dream I would wake up and the sun would have been shining for hours, and it’d still be shining when I got home and I’d drink prosecco on the decking and feel happy.
“But the moment you start thinking about it properly, it falls apart. How could the windows be anything other than the blackness of an unplugged TV? It’s ridiculous.
“No, it’s an endless vista of blackness punctuated only by the occasional grey, rainswept lunchtime for me. And that’s fine. That’s Britain.”