Saturday, 24th October 2020

Britain united in belief that 'work anniversaries' are bullshit

THE only thing that the whole of Britain can still agree on is that the idea of celebrating ‘work anniversaries’ is total bullshit, it has emerged. 

A hopelessly divided nation, split on everything from Brexit to Covid to whether crisps count as a meal, has come together in unanimous agreement that nobody should celebrate spending a year in the same job and LinkedIn can do one.

Helen Archer said: “I do not want to celebrate my work anniversary and nor do I want to congratulate others on theirs. Because it is not a f**king thing.

“Because forcing myself out of bed every morning to interact with people I don’t like while doing stuff I hate because I can’t be arsed to look for something else doesn’t seem like something to celebrate.

“Inviting us to commiserate our work anniversaries would be more apt.”

Joe Turner agreed: “LinkedIn can piss up a rope, but at least it’s brought us together.

“We came close with our disdain for Piers Morgan, but for the first time in years we’re all as one. No matter what your political leanings or where you’re from, man or woman, young or old, work anniversaries are utter bollocks.”