A TEAM of builders contracted to construct a home extension are disappointed to learn it is yet another bloody homeworker.
On learning that the owner of the property would be present throughout the job, builder Martin Bishop realised it would be a long six weeks being snooped on by a soft-handed prick asking dickhead questions.
He said: “Christ. So we won’t even be able to cut bricks without him popping up asking when we’ll be finished as he has a really crucial Teams coming up.
“It’s not that we’re lazy, though it’s a physical job so the lads needs breaks. It’s that you can’t really get into the foul-mouthed Kiss FM hammering rhythm when there’s some brand consultant nine feet away pissing about on a MacBook.
“They’re always out offering tea and asking ‘how’s it going?’ as if they’ll understand the answer. We can’t swear with the same gusto. You can’t even vape without being judged.
“I miss the days when everyone worked in offices and I could walk around their homes, go through their drawers, and eat their food without them knowing. Now when I do it it’s a whole big deal.”
Homeworker Jack Browne said: “I can’t wank, I can’t work, I can’t watch YouTube. I just sit here staring at spreadsheets feeling emasculated while huge men in paint-stained Ralph Lauren lift massive blocks of stone. I wish I still went to an office.”
