Can't be arsed to change your email signature, and other reasons to stay in a shit job

HATE your job? But leaving would involve making minimal effort? Here are five reasons it’s easier to stick it out: 

You’ve got holiday left to use up

There’s been no good reason to use your annual leave this year, it’s carried over to next year, you’re not sure if you’re still entitled to it if you resign, and finding out would involve asking someone. It’s fine, you can just quit after you’ve done three weeks in Magaluf.

The commute is fine

If it takes you less than an hour to get to your shithole of an office, why bother getting another better job that you enjoy more and pays you more when it could mean an extra 15 minutes on the bus? That’s surely tipping the work-life balance the wrong way.

Vaguely get on with two co-workers

It doesn’t quite reach the level of banter, but there are two co-workers at your place who relations with are cordial to say the least. Sure, you hate everyone else and they hate you, but what if there aren’t even those two at the new job? Could happen.

Close to Pret

When you have a good relationship with your barista, why ruin it? What if the Pret at the new job is 80 yards further away, is a strange L-shape, and you don’t have the same rapport? Take that rapport into account and use it as a reason for staying put.

Can’t be arsed to change your email signature

Changing email signatures take time and effort. You might even have to Google how to do it. So even if your job is categorically shite, why would you want to take that time when you’ve got it just the way you like it? Best stay where you are.

You’ve essentially given up

Let’s be honest – any other job will be equally bollocks because that’s jobs, and will no doubt require a f**kton of paperwork you just aren’t prepared to do. You might as well stick with it until you’re fired.

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Man who wanted Brexit for Christmas would now prefer socks

A LEAVE voter who repeatedly said that all he wanted for Christmas was Brexit has changed his request to M&S luxury Egyptian cotton socks. 

For reasons he declines to go into, Roy Hobbs has hinted he is open to receiving a more modest gift, such as socks, a selection of real ales or a cordless strimmer instead of total 100 per cent sovereignty.

Hobbs’ wife Sandra said: “It’s a pain in the arse, because I’d assumed Roy’s present was taken care of with Brexit all sorted out. I wonder why he changed his mind?

“It’s a big switch from wanting to leave the world’s largest trading bloc to socks. If all I can get is Wallace and Gromit ones he’s going to have to make do with them.”

Son Gareth Hobbs said: “Dad was mad keen on getting Brexit so this year I just bought him a card. Is he going to change his mind again and ask for baby Yoda? They’re all sold out.”

Roy Hobbs said: “Obviously Brexit is going to be fantastic but I’d like to have another present I can enjoy on Christmas day in case it turns out to be less amazing than advertised.

“The way things are going I’d be happy with travel Scrabble.”