THREE weeks into 2024 all the best holiday dates have already been booked up by the scheming bastards you work with, it has emerged.
A quick scan of your team’s holiday rota has revealed that all of July and August, much of May and June and the whole Christmas period have all been taken by unscrupulous bastards who neglected to tell you they were doing it.
Stephen Malley of Colchester said: “Emma’s had f**king Easter? She didn’t mention that when she was sweetly offering to make the tea.
“She’s not even got bloody kids. Nor has Nikki, which hasn’t stopped her taking a week in August because she ‘might go to a festival.’ Are you or aren’t you? Because my entire summer depends on it, no pressure.
“I can’t even have the May bank holidys because Roy will be methodically towing his around medieval hotspots so he can to charge around fields reenacting the English Civil War, like a twat.
“So I’m left with mid-May, February half-term and October for my annual leave. Or spending the next few months assiduously working behind the scenes to get the wankers fired, like I did with Amelia last year.”
Colleague Emma Bradford said: “You snooze you lose, Steve. Though I’ll probably cancel my Easter leave three days beforehand. I’ve only booked it on spec.”