THE UK has returned to work feeling well-rested and well pissed off, it has been confirmed.
Across Britain employees are back after a 12-day break packed with pleasure and relaxation which has provided an excellent contrast with workplace shit.
Nathan Muir of Maidenhead said: “I really feel like myself again after doing nothing but scoffing chocolates and watching telly for a fortnight. Why do I have to come to this horrible place again?
“I’ve spent loads of quality time with family and friends, and now I’m back opposite Rachel, who likes arguing about spreadsheets, and Daryl, who sniffs.
“There’s nothing like a proper break to bring back how unnatural it is to spend five days a week in the company of arseholes doing pointless bullshit. I’m not speaking to any of them until March.”
Colleague Susan Traherne agreed: “Christmas is the new normal. This shithole is deeply offensive to me, and it’s only a two-day week.
“If anyone’s up for an armed revolution against our corporate overlords I’m in. It needs to be soon though, because by Tuesday I’ll be all beaten down again.”