DO you think it’s fun to skip around the office in a scary mask shouting “Trick or treat?” at people using spreadsheets? Here are more tips on being horribly childish.
Dress up in a spooky costume
People who find an excuse to dress up at work are idiots, even if they’re doing it for charity. And Halloween isn’t a charity, so no one is getting anything out of your tiresome wackiness, apart from you.
Insist on bringing in hideous themed ‘treats’
All the supermarkets have jumped on the Halloween bandwagon so you won’t be short of weird sh*t like breaded ‘bat wings’ or pig-in-a-blanket ‘mummies’ to force into your colleagues’ repulsed mouths.
Jump out from the stationery cupboard shouting “Boo!”
It’s all fun and games until someone spills a tray of hot tea down themselves or has a heart attack. Then it’s an employment tribunal and a swift dismissal for you.
Bring in a pumpkin
Unless you’re a sculptor, all pumpkins inevitably look like Ann Widdecombe on a bad day. No one will appreciate it and then it will be left on a windowsill for a fortnight to go mouldy and start stinking.
Tell people who think Halloween is bullsh*t they’re boring
For most people work is painful enough without having to spend a day of it with grown adults who think it’s fun to put on a ‘sorting hat’ on and pretend to find out if they’re in Slytherin or Hufflepuff. Don’t make it worse for them.