ENJOYING your job is important, at least until the novelty wears off and you realise it’s still just a job. Here’s how to find a career that will truly satisfy you for a few weeks.
Choose something that pays a lot
Being lured in by a big pay packet will make you feel good for a very short time. Enjoy watching your bank account grow, until it dawns on you that your life is meaningless – and no one has any sympathy because you’re a smug, overpaid twat.
Get a job title that sounds cool
The main point of working is to pathetically try to impress other people. Look for buzzwords like ‘strategist’, ‘creative’ or ‘ideation lead’, and feel highly superior. Then realise that even the ponciest job title means getting out of bed every day and wasting your time in unnecessary meetings with people you don’t like.
Look for a set-up that is convenient
A job near your house? Work you can do from home long-term? Something that fits around your childcare arrangements? These are all incredibly handy, but narrow down your career options so much you’ll be forced to do work you loathe and despise within a matter of weeks.
Seek out work that suits your personality
Try to find a creative job that allows you to be yourself. Fab! Until you grasp that everyone wants a job like this and the competition means your employer will pay you peanuts until you retire, still with a massive student loan.
Do what your parents want you to do
There is nothing like the glow you feel when your parents admit they’re pleased with you, so become a corporate lawyer or similar. It’s even better if your siblings have careers they disapprove of, eg. street juggler in Bristol. Until you notice you are bored shitless all the time.