Subscribe

'It's probably AI,' says man who doesn’t understand what AI is

YOUR middle-aged co-worker who confidently opines on any subject he does not understand has begun stating everything is ‘probably AI’. 

Tom Booker, aged 51, has so far used the line on everything from an internet outage to a clash on the holiday rota and shows no signs of tiring of it.

He said: “In previous, benighted eras when I didn’t have the instinctive grasp of technology I have today, I proffered feeble excuses like ‘it must be a bug’ or ‘I think it’s a virus’ or ‘we’ve been hacked’. No more.

“Now I realise that everything I don’t understand, or don’t like, is AI. Spreadsheet’s wrong? AI. Email went to the wrong person? AI. Login record shows I’m consistently 20 minutes late back from lunch? AI.

“And it’s not just in the office. The other day I heard a Beatles song I’d never heard before. The young ones tried to make out I was ignorant, but I reckon it was AI. As are those videos where Trump’s babbling nonsense. Created with AI to make him look an idiot.

“You can’t trust anything these days, because of AI. Arsenal winning? AI. Nigel Farage taking £5 millon? AI. Me getting a written warning for trying to create deepfake nudes of Natalie in HR using the work ChatGPT? AI. It really is a scourge.”

He added: “They say my job’s under threat because of AI. Ridiculous. I’d like to see AI do what I do.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Boyfriend subject to hour-long monologue about need for more communication

A MAN has nodded through a 60-minute monologue from his girlfriend on how they need to sit down and have a proper talk about their relationship.

Grace Wood-Morris chose the bank holiday for a discussion, in which she was the key contributor, of how Jack Browne never tells her anything or shares his feelings that lasted for the whole of a Family Guy double bill with adverts.

Browne said: “She muted the TV, took my hand and embarked upon an explanation of why we needed a grown-up conversation about opening up to each other that was without significant pause.

“She said we needed to review how unmindful I am to her needs, and open a broader conduit for emotional discourse, then something about needing to have a more impactful role in nurturing her feelings.

“It was longer than the relationship conversations in Love Island without even the benefit of her being in a bikini. The television continued behind her but I knew better than to even glance at it while I was busy saying ‘Mm’ and ‘Yeah’.

“45 minutes in, when she was outlining the creation of a mutual atmosphere of honest communication, and maybe a trust bubble, I could no longer pretend to understand any of it. I was mainly watching her face move and giving her teeth names.”

Wood-Morris said: “He was attentive and understood the importance of a shared commitment to open channels to prevent our relationship stagnating. But that wasn’t the talk. That was the talk about having the talk.”

Next story ›