Miserable bastard postman wants you to know what an inconvenience you are

A LOCAL postman is furious with residents on his route for receiving mail.

Wayne Hayes is well-known locally for complaining bitterly about having to do his chosen job and shoving letters into customers’ hands while snapping “someone’s popular”.

Pensioner Roy Hobbs said: “We all live in fear of an interaction with Wayne. You’re not sure if he’s going to hand you a package or whip out an axe and murder you.

“If something won’t fit through the letter box he stands at the door sighing impatiently as if you’re really ruining his day. Normally he signs off with a sarcastic ‘There you go – your majesty’.

“Receiving a parcel via ordinary post seems to particularly trigger him. If a neighbour isn’t in whoever signs for it gets a lecture on ‘selfish arseholes’ who can’t even be in to receive things they order.

“I can’t help but think he should consider a different career more suited to his temperament. Maybe contract killer.”

Hayes said: “Why can’t these bastards use email? Oh no, they have to have poncy paper letters from their la-di-da friends and their fancy electricity suppliers.

“Now fuck off and stop wasting my time. I’ve got to go and drop elastic bands everywhere.”