OFFICE workers across the country are struggling to get used to restraining their flatulence again, they have confirmed.
Employees of any business operating in a confined space reported post-Christmas battles to withhold their anal emissions for the sake of workplace harmony.
Nikki Hollis of Reading said: “I’ve been letting rip for a fortnight. They’ve only got longer, richer and more resonant as the holiday’s gone on. I’m not confident I can stop.
“It’s such a jarring change of pace. I can’t concentrate on work because I’ve always got one brewing with no avenue of escape.
“I was in a video conference earlier that felt so much like being at home and watching TV that I almost let one go. Would’ve been bad, too.”
Colleague Stephen Malley said: “Even if you get up and head to a quiet corner they’re all either occupied or reeking with recent use. The build-up of gases at the top of the emergency stairwell is frankly dangerous.”
The UK’s freelancers and remote workers have reported no such issues and have continued guffing foully into their pajamas all day as usual.
