EMPLOYERS are encouraging staff back into the office with meeting rooms set aside for bitching about workmates.
With workers reluctant to return to work when they can seethe about arsehole colleagues from the comfort of their own homes, businesses hope new state-of-the-art corporate slagging suites will entice them back.
Joanna Kramer, head of a Manchester marketing firm, said: “In-person meetings are bullshit and unnecessary, but bitching is just no fun over Zoom.
“Bad-mouthing others builds intimacy and trust, and also promotes feelings of belonging and loyalty, all great for business. In short, bitching is back on the agenda in a big way.
“We’ve converted a meeting room into a dedicated area for spiteful mutterings, with acoustically-designed areas so nobody will overhear your sly backstabbing and shit-stirring. They’ll come flocking.”
Consultant Julian Cook said: “The modern office is all about wellbeing; at-desk neck and shoulder massages, lunchtime yoga, and feeling united in your loathing of the way Angela eats her yoghurts.
“By giving people a safe space to sound off about the pricks they work with, they’ll feel motivated and valued. I was in there sharing my irritation about that dick Carson this morning, and I feel f**king great.”