Passive-aggressive email phrases to make your colleagues hate you

EVER included the phrase ‘as per my previous email’ to suggest the person you’re writing to is as thick as mince? Then you’ll enjoy these too: 

Please advise

Used as the last paragraph of an email, all by itself, this screams ‘What the f**k have you done, you useless bellend? And how the f*ck are you going to sort it out? Because there’s no way I’m taking any of the blame for this.’

Does that make sense?

Essentially translates as ‘This is not the first time I’ve explained this. You are clearly very, very stupid and I want you to know but can’t tell you to your face until we’re both sh*tfaced at the next Christmas party.’

Please let me know if I am missing something

Even scarier than telling them they’re an idiot is suggesting they think you are. Especially good if you’re their line manager and they spend the few months having a nervous breakdown about their appraisal.

You were CC’d

You completely ignored something that wasn’t directed specifically at you, like a toddler who doesn’t respond unless you bark their name first. Especially embarrassing when lots of other people were CC’d in as well.

Per HR policy

Suggesting you’ll bring in the big boys will sh*t whoever you’re emailing right up, even if you have no idea whether they have transgressed HR policy or not. At the very least it’ll make them actually read the email.


Nothing says ‘I hate everything about you, you feckless twat’, than an ice cold ‘Regards’ at the end of an email. The written equivalent of slamming a door in their face.

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Chlorinated chicken insists it just likes being clean

CHLORINATED chicken has protested at its demonising by the UK media, insisting there is no shame in being clean. 

Eleanor Shaw, a chlorinated chicken from Alabama in the United States, admitted she might be a bit obsessed by personal hygiene but it surely cannot do any harm.

She continued: “No offence, but European chicken just doesn’t smell great to me. Shared a truck with French hens once. Pee-yew.

“I don’t know why y’all don’t like to wash. Over here every chicken has a hydrogen peroxide peel, to clear away bacteria and reduce the visible signs of aging.

“I hope soon Brits will learn to embrace chicken that smells like swimming pools, the way God intended.

“Yes, our flavour has been completely eradicated, but we’re chicken. We aren’t meant to taste of anything.”

Shaw, who hatched in January, has vowed to raise awareness of the issue for the remaining three weeks of her life.