SCHOOLS finishing on Friday lunchtime could lead to jobs finishing on Friday lunchtime then capitalism collapsing entirely, experts have warned.
The announcement by underfunded schools, all by coincidence in areas which never vote Tory, that they will send children home at 12.45pm on Friday is expected to lead to full communism within a year.
Political scientist Helen Archer said: “Someone has to look after the kids, so workplaces will let employees leave if they’ve done all Friday’s work in the morning. Which they will, because nobody works Friday afternoon.
“For the jealous fathers and non-parents left behind in the office suddenly Fridays won’t be fun, so they’ll invent some spurious reason and offices will close completely.
“Then schools will close Thursdays, then offices will, then Wednesdays, until finally everyone’s working one day a week and getting the same amount done and capitalism disintegrates under the weight of its own contradictions.
“Theresa May will be remembered as the heroine who freed the wage slaves for a life of leisure, play and untrammelled joy. Songs will be sung to her each Friday at noon.”
Archer added: “Unless you’ve got a proper job making things or in a shop. Then your children will roam free in feral packs.”