Self-employed make annual choice between tax return and faking own death

BRITAIN’S self-employed workers are facing the annual choice of completing a tax return or concocting an elaborate scam to fake their own death.

As the annual tax deadline draws near, freelancers insisted ‘nothing is off the table’ as they face the prospect of navigating HMRC’s Kafka-esque online assessment system.

IT consultant Tom Booker said: “I’m more than happy to pay my tax, it’s the 700 ambiguously-worded questions beforehand that are the trouble.

“I reckon I could pull off a convincing disappearance in a week or so. I just need to grow a beard, dye my hair and get an inflatable kayak.”

He added: “What the fuck is a ‘UTR number’?”

HMRC stressed that faking your own death would lead to 3.25 percent interest on the unpaid tax but advised booking a ferry rather than a flight as it is less traceable.