Primary teacher finally admits her job is easy

A PRIMARY teacher has finally stopped telling people how ‘stressful’ teaching is.

Jane Thomson had spent the previous four years explaining how things like the curriculum, parents and OFSTED made being a teacher really stressful, like being a surgeon or a police officer.

But the 32-year-old has admitted she can no longer keep up the charade.

Thomson said: “I got sick of deflecting banter from my friends about how easy teachers have it. It is a complete piece of piss.

“If I’m not sticking a video on then running down my hangover in the dark, I’m getting them to do ‘quiet reading’ and going on my phone. The rest of the time I’m on holiday.

“Teachers who claim they spend hours and hours marking homework are talking shit. Thirty kids in a class, thirty ticks at one second per tick.

“I do mine when I’m at the traffic lights, or on a straight bit of road.”

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Hard-up estate agents forced to live in cosy, characterful properties

THE slowdown in the property market has forced estate agents to move to properties they would describe as ‘cosy and with bags of charm’.

It has emerged that a quarter of high street estate agents are showing signs of financial distress and staff are buying properties they normally foist on to other suckers.

Tom Logan said: “I’ve just downsized to a no-bedroomed executive-style apartment with real character.

“The aspect is fantastic, it’s light and airy, it’s a real DIY enthusiast’s paradise.

“It is not a shithole.”

He added: “I’m so glad I live in such an upwardly mobile area.

“I really feel like I’m ahead of the curve and it’s not a nightmare at all.”