A CONFUSED man who has returned to his office after a fortnight off wants to know why he is in this shithole and who all the twats are.
Martin Bishop arrived at the unfamiliar building, where his wife informed him he used to work, at 9am and immediately voiced his horror at both the location and the company.
He added: “Let’s not piss about. There’s clearly been some kind of terrible mistake.
“This nondescript office block reeks of despair and wasted lives. And just the expressions on your grotesque, soulless faces tell me that you are people easy to hate and impossible to avoid.
“But apparently I’m meant to spend a minimum of 37 hour a week in this shit-pit? With you wankers? Every week?
“Surely not. I’m a man who only rises at 10am after a long sleep, leisurely flicks the television on while munching Heroes, and has a beer with lunch. This life of toil and misery is alien to me. I hate the lot of you. This sucks.”
Colleague Joanna Kramer said: “This happens every year. And by lunchtime, Martin’s remembered that he’s the biggest twat of them all.”