A WOMAN back at work after maternity leave has returned to work to find that absolutely no terrifyingly fast-paced change has been achieved.
Despite being warned that her industry would have moved on so rapidly that she would be left stranded and unemployable, Sophie Muir, aged 37, found that her main project was still uncompleted, IT had not fixed her computer and the same coffee ring was still on the same kitchen worktop.
She said: “I thought I would return, quaking, to a near-incomprehensible world of technological brilliance. I lost so much confidence that I nearly resigned to sell homemade jam.
“But actually Martin is still sitting in the corner complaining about exactly the same shit as just before I left. The project plan doesn’t appear to have moved on at all. When I asked people what they’d been doing with the time, they looked blank and said, ‘Meetings?’
“It turns out I can grow, give birth to and nurture an entire human being in less time than it takes my 300 colleagues to fix a bug in the IT system.
“Oh look, those weird foreign sweets are still in the middle of the desk.”