Sunday, 25th October 2020

Remainer stockpiling self-righteousness for no-deal Brexit

A KEEN Remainer is stockpiling self-righteousness in his garage in preparation for a no-deal Brexit. 

Joseph Turner of Bristol is worried that his previously inexhaustible stocks of smugness will quickly run out once no-deal has happened, so is making sure he still has sufficent supplies in reserve.

He said: “After October 31st, should the worst happen and the idiots get their way, the most important thing is that I’ll be able to stand there, arms folded, and say ‘I told you so.’

“But with the chaos that’s set to ensure – 25-mile lorry queues, restriction of imports from the continent, rationing – there’s a real risk that people who are wrong will not be condescended to.

“So I’m stockpiling. Right now I’ve got self-righteousness to spare. The sensible thing to do is to build up a supply and then, when the country’s going to hell, I’ll still have a sanctimonious smile playing across my educated lips.”

Turner’s stocks are expected to last him until the end of November, when an armed gang of Brexiters will raid them then smugly tell him it is all his own fault.