Woman in meeting only making notes to look like she has faintest clue what's going on 


A WOMAN in a meeting decided to make some notes before her colleagues figured out she had not not been listening to a word that had been said.

Emma Bradshaw, who is not entirely sure what her job is, was in a meeting about something or other when she noticed people were writing stuff down.

Bradshaw said: “I thought, ‘shit, I better look busy’. So I wrote ‘more, more, social media’ and then smiled to myself.”

Bradshaw then sat with her pen in her hand for the rest of the meeting before writing down her five favourite albums.

She added: “’Jagged Little Pill, 21, that Pulp album that Common People was on, The Best of Crowded House and the soundtrack to When Harry Met Sally.”

Bradshaw’s boss, Mary Fisher said: “I like to see people writing stuff down in meetings. It proves that they’re terrified of being sacked and thus will do my bidding on a wide range of other, non-work related matters.

“Like Emma, for example. She’s going to procure a colourful assortment of recreational drugs for me and if she doesn’t I’m going to ask to see her notes from the last meeting.”

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Hardcore Remainers become equally unbearable

DIE-HARD Remain supporters have become just as hellish and unbearable as their Brexit counterparts, it has emerged.

Pro-EU obsessives have followed the example of fanatical Brexiters in becoming a weird, angry cult that nobody wants to associate with.

Self-described ‘Remainiac’ Joanna Kramer said: “I got a ‘We Are The 48%’ face tattoo and told all my friends who didn’t vote Lib Dem that they deserve to be cast into a snake pit.”

Fellow Remain partisan Stephen Malley said: “I like to tell everyone that the referendum was only advisory, which is definitely what I would have been saying if we’d won.

“Also, I might want to live in Barcelona one day, and leaving the EU will make that significantly harder and more expensive. So it’s absolutely vital I tell Brexit supporters that they are deluded yokels who don’t deserve the vote.”

Malley’s friend Nikki Hollis said: “I voted Remain, and I think Brexit will be a disaster, but we lost and I respect the democratic process. Although, if it pisses Stephen off this much, it can’t be all bad.”

She added: “I’m really starting to despise the liberal metropolitan elite.”