A WOMAN has been promoted for being the most bland and insipid employee at her workplace.
Marketing assistant Emma Bradford was chosen for promotion because she was deemed too dull and tedious to ever get on the tits of her colleagues and clients.
Office manager Norman Steele said: “Emma was the natural choice as her total lack of personality means people never have any friction with her. She’s just sort of there, like one of the pot plants.
“She really is the worst kind of boring office drone with no interests or conversation, which is excellent because she works solidly in silence all day. She sets a great example to the others.
“Once an atheist employee was arguing with a Christian and tried to get Emma involved, but she just said she could see it from both sides, and no one really knows the answers.
“I’d go as far as to say she’s a completely soulless nonentity. She’s got a great career ahead of her.”
Bradford said: “I’m going to give my new role 110 percent, but I think all of my colleagues deserved promotions too. Excuse me, I have to get back to this interesting spreadsheet.”