Woman wrongly believes office flirtation will survive moving six desks away

A WOMAN who has been engaged in a long-term flirtation with a colleague mistakenly believes it will continue despite her moving 24 feet away. 

Tom Logan and Lucy Parry have whiled long days at their adjacent desks away with saucy banter, teasing remarks and double entendres for almost five years, and Parry sees no reason that will change just because she is on the other side of an open-plan office.

She said: “Our mutual attraction’s hardly going to fade because I’m on the other side of the room, is it? If anything, absence will make the parts grow fonder! I should tell him that one.

“The compliments, the shy glances over cubicle walls: all evidence of real desire, not just my being the only woman under 50 in this department who doesn’t mind the implication I’m a slut if it passes the afternoon.

“Actually this move should add to the excitement. I’ll brush up against him in the kitchen, he’ll invent reasons to join me at the printer, we’’ll send flirty emails and we’ll always be giggling and glancing meaningfully across to each other.

“I hope so, anyway. Otherwise I’m left with nothing but the crushing boredom of being a client services manager in a medium-sized data processing firm.”

Logan said: “Lucy? Yeah that’s over.”

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Please get well because we can't go though all that shit again, says Britain

THE whole nation is willing King Charles III to beat cancer because it cannot go through all that business all over again. 

The news that His Majesty has been diagnosed with cancer has sent the whole nation spiralling back to September 2022, and May 2023, and the fawning, suffocating omnipresent coverage they felt duty-bound to watch.

Nathan Muir of Hereford said: “Bloody hell. It feels like it’s only just finished, and now it could all kick off again?

“I mean it hadn’t happened for 75 years last time but the novelty soon wore off. By about day two if I remember correctly, and that was day two of approximately a million.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re fine without the bank holidays. We’ve had plenty, what with the Platty Joobs and all. Let’s have a swift recovery with the minimum of pomp and another what, ten years of glorious rule at least.”

Joanna Kramer, aged 42, agreed: “Come on, Charlie. You can beat this thing and get a proper run on the throne in. We’re all willing you to, albeit for slightly selfish reasons.

“You’ve not even been crowned a year. A fortnight of documentaries about that’s unthinkable.”