Work is better than all that bank holiday bullshit, confirms Britain

BEING back at work is a welcome break from four days of weird relatives and children’s nonsense, it has been confirmed.

Sales manager Martin Bishop said: “Today a client was livid about an order we’d messed up, but it was still better than talking to my father-in-law who thinks Brexit makes it OK to be racist.

“Talking to an adult – even one calling you a ‘useless wanker’ – also made a pleasant change from my daughter’s stream-of-consciousness rambles about Peppa Pig.

“Even just sitting in an office chair feels like extreme luxury compared to being on the teacups at Alton Towers for the eleventh fucking time.”

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “It will be nice to go for a drink at lunchtime without my mother-in-law watching me like a hawk for evidence that I am an alcoholic slut.”

Nikki Hollis added: “Next Easter I won’t go on a cycling weekend with my boyfriend and his dickhead mates. I will stay at home and do spreadsheets.”