One woman's week, with Karen Fenessey

I think we can all agree that if recent events show anything, it’s that political correctness has truly gone mad.

Journalists these days are being persecuted like never before and are in danger of losing all the freedom they once had to smoke out evil celebrities.

Take Lois Lane, the famous female journalist from America’s Daily Planet. Like Rebekah Brooks, Lois was a frequent news headliner herself, after repeatedly winding up in jail or hospital or space. But everyone remembers at least one of the great stories she bagged using her unconventional means – and phone hacking was the least of the tricks she had up her sleeve. Methods used by this outstanding and vampish woman included accepting gifts and romantic dinners from handsome oligarchs, breaking into offices and stealing sensitive documents. Yet everyone just thought she was cute and professional. Nowadays, she might be branded ‘borderline unethical’ – and imagine what The Guardian would make of the unfair practices used by her partner to get his scoop.

So if someone is innocently dropping in on all the GHB gibberish that Sienna’s left hanging out for all to hear then in the spirit of Krypton, I say ‘Let’s bust that slag’. Unlike Sienna and Prescott, when my voicemail urges me to personalise my access PIN, I do it in a flash because there are several high profile continuity announcers who regularly leave me messages detailing utterly perverted homosexual dreams and any breach of privacy would undo all the good work we’ve done. Evidently randy Scotsman, Tommy ‘always the bridesmaid, never the bride’ Sheridan took similar precautions when setting up his voicemail and is now kicking himself for his prudence.

Do we really want to turn Britain into Russia – where intrepid journalists such as Rebekah are mowed down? Because that’s exactly where we’re heading: communism gone mad. Where are all the caped heroes when Russian lady journalists need saving? Champneys?

What everyone really needs to see is a Daily Planet style fly-on-the-wall documentary about News International. People will be charmed by Jimmy the bumbling junior and Perry White the sweaty, booze-scented editor with margarine arteries, who hasn’t a clue that among the list of methods used by his staff to secure a splash are lethal alien powers and highly radioactive materials.

Get those entrepreneurial coppers away from C-list celebrity phone bills and back out on the street, bundling young brown men into dank holding cells and forcing them to confess about Pakistan. The public have spoken: More Spooks and less Brooks!

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It seems Rupert Murdoch isn’t that good at publicity after missing some sterling opportunities this week to get himself out of this mess. Little whaling expedition off the Californian coast? No sign of the magnate. Small boy stranded in flood water in India: where was he? Missing these kinds of crucial PR events is doing him no favours and the team of strategists appointed to organise these things is evidently not being paid enough.

Power Thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor

Power Organisation.

‘Morris you’ve got a conference call at 3pm, but you also need to prepare for your meeting at 6pm with the head of new biscuit ideas at McVities, but wait, Dickinson’s Real Deal is on, you like that, have you got time to watch it? Yes you have.’

No I didn’t, and it was those unorganised thoughts that, I think, lost me a highly lucrative snack franchise. Everyone who has seen the 3D cardboard mockups says that ‘Chocolate O’Connors’ would have been huge.

To be successful I realised I had to be organised, but I found organisation more irritating than organising my receipts or Stephen Mulhern. I didn’t want a three ring binder with my life-system in it, I wanted to be the kind of guy who held spur of the moment impromptu business meetings, but it’s amazing to discover the number of CEOs that don’t like you just turning up at their home, even if you have got another good idea for a biscuit. These days I’m like a free spirit that’s been synced with Entourage, but it wasn’t an easy journey.

I resisted organisation for so long for fear it would make me less sexy, but ironically it’s sexual organisation that has most enhanced my personal life the most. My life partner Pae Pwang-O’Connor says she loves to know exactly how long, where, what time, what props and which one us is going to get penetrated, as certain scenarios require she gets on the Bacardi beforehand. It might have taken some of the spontaneity out of it, but at least we have those sessions and the nature of the act agreed and locked into our diary.

It’s hard to tell you how to be organised, annoyingly you just kind of have to do it, in that respect it’s like covering your torso with a t-shirt in the weights section of a Fitness First. It feels like a shame, but that’s the establishment for you.

Dr Morris O’Connor is the best selling author of Rock ‘n’ Roll Organisation Tips For Free Thinking Mavericks. (comes with free life-system binder)