ALL amendments tabled to the Rwanda bill by the hard-right of the Tory party are focused on Gary Lineker, their proponents have confirmed.
The bill begins its second reading in Parliament today with a number of amendments added by right-wing Conservatives including ‘put Lineker on the first flight’, ‘revoke his citizenship’ and ‘strip him of his England caps then tar and feather him’ vying for support.
Denys Finch Hatton, member for Boston and Skegness, said: “The government faces revolt if they don’t back these amendments. Without them there’s nothing about Lineker in the bill at all.
“As everyone knows it’s an election year, so we have to give the public what they want and fight a long, losing battle against a popular sports presenter who occasionally tweets about politics. It’s how we’re going to turn this around.
“So we’ve all added our own amendments to the Rwanda bill to bring these two great doomed Tory crusades together in the public mind. Mine is that he should be made to go bald. It’s not fair it happened to Shearer first. He’s a natural Tory.”
Other amendments to the bill include ‘All accepted asylum claims to be made Lineker’s legal responsibility’, ‘Kigali declared Gary’s house and he has to live there’ and the controversial ‘Peter Beardsley to host Match of the Day’.
However, as previously, a negligible number of Tories will back the amendments, the bill is legal nonsense anyway and none of it will ever have any effect.
