And you wonder why we think you're lazy, self-serving, arrogant twats, says British public

A SITTING MP who is going on a reality television show on the other side of the world is perplexed as to why the public think so little of him.

Matt Hancock lost the whip after announcing he will be appearing on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!, leaving his constituents in West Suffolk wondering what the f**k he thinks he is doing.

Donna Sheridan said: “MPs say they work for us, and yet mine has gone to Australia to tit about in the jungle with Boy George and that woman off of A Place In The Sun. That’s ‘engaging with the public’, apparently.

“We’re facing a cost of living crisis, rampant inflation and Christ knows how many other problems, yet the guy who is meant to represent me in parliament is pissing off abroad to eat spiders and have heart-to-hearts with minor soap stars.

“And politicians wonder why we think they’re a bunch of narcissistic pricks who are only in it for the money and power. I hope he chokes on a wombat bollock.”

A spokesman for Matt Hancock said: “What’s the problem? Matt thinks embracing popular culture is a great way to increase interest in politics. Or ‘coin it in and get a few votes off lardarse couch potato scum’, as he puts it. 

“Also, he’s got a book to flog. He’s hoping people will buy it for a celebrity on the cover, not the crappy content, like Jedward’s biography.”

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Ghostwatch and other classic hoaxes you had to be exceptionally gullible to fall for

REMEMBER Ghostwatch, the BBC’s spoof documentary that terrified literally dozens of credulous fools? It’s not the only hoax only the forbiddingly dense believed: 


The giveaway with Ghostwatch was the acting, and the piecemeal uncovery of a whole ghost story, and the writers’ credit at the start. Although at the time nobody spotted that and made the natural assumption that a poltergeist existed because it was on telly. Nowadays internet conspiracists would claim Pipes was real.

The Lirpa Loof

That’s Life, known for wacky stunts eliciting zero mirth, featured a Himalayan ape-thing that mimicked humans. Red flags: it was April Fool’s Day, it’s ‘April Fool’ backwards, it was bollocks. Nonetheless Esther Rantzen had to apologise to people who’d gone to London Zoo to see it. They presumably thought That’s Life’s misshapen vegetables were real, fibrous carrot sex organs.

Alternative 3

Fake 1977 documentary about scientists mysteriously disappearing or dying due to a conspiracy to colonise Mars. The end credits included a cast list with well-known actors, but local papers and Anglia TV were still swamped with queries. Draw your own conclusions about the residents of Norfolk.

The spaghetti tree

Oddly appearing on Panorama, this 1957 April Fool report resulted in enquiries about how to grow your own spaghetti. If anything you feel sorry for the viewers. Rationing only ended in 1954 and now Richard Dimbleby is mocking peasants like you who don’t have a clue about Italian cuisine. Is there any reason spaghetti couldn’t grow on trees?

Alien autopsy

A surprising amount of credence was given to this dissection of a Roswell alien. The corpse was suitably full of chicken entrails and jam and filmed in such a way as to obscure what was going on. The hoax’s creator Ray Santilli later claimed it was a recreation of real footage he’d seen, which was good enough for UFO bellends.

Derren Brown: Apocalypse

Derren convinces someone there’s a zombie outbreak. It’s ambitious and unconvincing. The volunteer later said he was just doing what was expected so as not to ruin the TV show. Obviously Derren uses real mind control in all his other shows.