Are you a 'radicalised Remainer' or do you just think Farage is a tw*t?

HAS voting to remain in the EU somehow turned you into a traitorous, UK-hating fundamentalist, or do you just hate Nigel Farage? Here’s how to tell.

You buy a milkshake. Do you:

A) Drink it. It cost the best part of a fiver so you aren’t going to waste it.

B) Throw it at a passing politician. Followed by a petrol bomb, because that’s obviously the next logical step for a radicalised Remainer.

You go to vote. Do you:

A) Put a cross in a box.

B) Burn down the polling station because you hate democracy and want to steal the UK’s precious sovereignty.

You meet the Queen. Do you:

A) Politely say ‘How do you do?’.

B) Steal her crown, poke her in the eye and piss on her corgi for good measure, because you’re just a massive treasonous bastard who hates this country and everything it stands for.

You read about businesses relocating from the UK because of Brexit. Do you:

A) Mildly express concern about the economy and people’s jobs.

B) Put on your ‘Project Fear’ balaclava and creep out at night to push scaremongering leaflets through people’s letterboxes and frighten old people, who you hate because they all voted for Brexit.

Mostly As: You think Nigel Farage is a tw*t.

Mostly Bs: You are a radicalised Remainer who lives to frustrate the Will of the People and see your fellow citizens enslaved. Luckily you are made up.

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Brexiters excited to vote on thing they know jack shit about again

LEAVE voters have confirmed they will be turning out in large numbers to vote on a thing they do not have a clue about.

Brexiters are keen to vote in the European Parliament elections, despite having no idea what it is, what it does or whether electing some Brexit Party idiots achieves anything.

Roy Hobbs of Chichester said: “I hate the EU Council of Parliaments. We don’t need those unelected fascists telling us we can’t eat fish and chips without filling in a form.

“I haven’t done any research, obviously, but I reckon it’s based in Berlin to run the new EuroArmy. Thank god Farage will be able to put a stop to it with his hundreds of Brexit Party MEPs.

“My daughter says if I google ‘European Parliament’ I’d find out it’s democratically elected and they deal with a lot of dull-but-necessary stuff like business regulations and recycling.

“It makes me sick that so many young people have been taken in by Project Fear.”

Retired shopkeeper Mary Fisher said: “If Nigel gets enough votes they’ll have to let him be prime minister. He can move into Downing Street on Friday and stop all this political correctness.

“It’s like the referendum all over again. I didn’t really follow it but I do know there’s too many foreigners and it’s only two minutes’ walk to the local primary school.”