YOUR big fat blonde cheating lying bastard of an ex has heard you are single again and has put in a call.
The ex, who treated you like shit then straight up told you to your face he had not until he was found out again, assumes that as a few weeks have passed since he was dumped he is now completely forgiven.
Helen Archer of Hinckley said: “That wanker. Nothing for a month-and-a-half until he hears the coast’s clear, then he’s straight in with a text.
“Selfie of him in the Caribbean – how he’s affording that I don’t know, and isn’t he meant to be working? – saying ‘thinking of you we were so great together babes xx’ and I’m meant to fall into his arms.
“Yes, the last relationship didn’t work out. Yes, I’m a magnet for big-promising shitheads who blow my money on piss-all. Yes I’m ashamed of myself. But come on.
“It was only July I kicked you out. I’m still finding red wine stains and used condoms under sofa cushions. I’ve still got the letter from the STI clinic. No. Just f**king no.”
The ex texted back ‘flying back in today rly need to see you let’s meet up wstmnstr?? xxx’.