Boris sleeping in the House of Commons
POLITICIANS have realised Boris Johnson is sleeping in the House of Commons after being kicked out by his wife.
After fellow MPs found a sleeping bag, torch and a copy of Brexit for Dummies hidden under a backbench, the former foreign secretary admitted he had become a full-time resident.
Conservative MP Denys Finch Hatton said: “It’s very sad that Boris is getting divorced, but after he’s been sleeping on the seats all night there’s a distinctly unpleasant whiff.
“It turns out his wife has kicked him out over some piffling thing like sleeping with everyone she’s ever known. We’d wondered why we kept finding a pillow and crusty socks.
“He tried to get a flat but rents are out of control in London, which was news to him and which he strongly feels the mayor should do something about.”
When questioned by journalists Johnson admitted his personal hygiene was suffering due to only being able to wash in the House of Commons toilets and asked to borrow a deodorant.
He said: “It’s a bloody nightmare. I’ve been living off Quavers from the vending machine and the late-night debates keep me awake. Who knew there was so much parliamentary business? It’s like a full-time job.
“I need to become prime minister ASAP and move into Downing Street because this ancient seating is playing hell with my back.”