THE UK is facing a long, harrowing winter of high bills, stock shortages and none of it being anything to do with Brexit.
Suppliers have warned that everyday items will be unavailable, energy bills will rocket, inflation will run rampant and there will be a constant, thought-scrambling stream of messages on all media that Brexit is entirely uninvolved.
A government spokesman said: “There are tough times ahead for anyone unhelpfully interested in linking cause to effect. Very tough times indeed.
“The unprecedented circumstances of Brexit being a great success and anything negative being completely unrelated means the next six months are crucial in keeping the two separate in Britain’s consciousness.
“To that end we have released £330 million in emergency funding for a cross-platform marketing campaign, backed by slavishly supportive media coverage from all the usual pricks and the BBC, if it knows what’s good for it.
“And this also applies to the blameless architects of Brexit. Johnson, Gove, Rees-Mogg, Farage are all great men. The state Britain finds itself in is nothing to do with them. In fact they’re appalled.”
Donna Sheridan, aged 35, said: “I agree. The two phenomena of Brexit and everything going to shit are unconnected in any way. I voted Leave.”