THE UK is finding out first-hand what it’s like to be seduced, lied to, and repeatedly f**ked over by Boris Johnson.
Following yesterday’s sheepish announcement that the whole freedom thing would be unavoidably delayed but weddings were still on so not to make a fuss, the country realised we were just his latest fling.
Hannah Tomlinson said: “I’ve been with enough married men to know the signs. Constantly shifting deadlines, promises that aren’t so much broken as denied entirely, always pleading for one more chance.
“Ever since the whole Christmas bust-up it’s been June June June, but now it’s here we can’t go public until July. Until July when it’ll be August and sorry we can’t have that holiday after all.
“Why did he pursue us so obsessively only to do this? That’s what they’re like. We’re five months away from finding out he got elected prime minister of Tanzania behind our backs.”
Julian Cook of New Malden said: “I’m a philanderer and he’s playing us textbook. Never his fault, just a hapless guy in an impossible situation, deeply regretful etcetera.
“Pretty soon he’ll stop taking Britain’s calls completely, but we’ll be financially screwed and desperate for help so we’ll end up shacked up with Gove.”