Monday, 3rd August 2020

Britain waiting for medical all-clear to think Boris is a dick again

BRITONS are nervously awaiting the all-clear from the prime minister’s doctors so that they can think he is a dick again. 

Reports that Boris Johnson is in ‘extremely good spirits’ are thought to mean the UK can end a week of concern and get back to its previous contempt for the twat. 

Joe Turner said: “Since Sunday political differences have been put aside and as a nation we’ve hoped for his recovery. It’s going to be such a relief to call him a fat, entitled prick again. 

“I’m left-wing, but nobody needed a power vacuum at the top and purely on a human level I felt for him. I’m genuinely glad the lying Bullingdon Club arsehole is getting better. 

“Can we talk about how this is all his own fault for ignoring the rules yet? About how he’s clearly the Downing Street super-spreader? How that’s absolutely f**king typical? 

“I can’t wait until he’s back leading the nation so I can say how unfit he is to lead the nation again. It’s still an insult to say he’s an improvement on Dominic Raab.” 

Conservative voter Susan Traherne said: “The whole country can rejoice this Easter, for our hero is risen again. The stupid bastard.”