Cameron launches campaign of racism against Greeks

THE coalition government has launched a £10m campaign encouraging everyone to hate the Greeks.

Prime minister David Cameron yesterday unveiled a billboard featuring a leering, kebab-chomping Greek caricature with a greasy moustache sodomising a goat while burning a wad of Euros.

The TV ads bring back Harry Enfield’s Stavros, showing him entering a typical British family home drunk and heavily armed, emptying the piggy bank before urinating on a cat and then presenting the family with a huge bill.

Speaking at the British Museum, Mr Cameron said: “Don’t waste your racism on the hard-working Asian, the cool trainer-selling black or all those terribly clever Jews who run our media.

“Instead, direct your hatred at these lazy, sneering spongers who invented bumming and can’t even use a proper alphabet.”

The prime minister then sprayed ‘FUCK PLATO’ on the Elgin Marbles before posing with a pair of Heckler & Koch submachine guns, vowing to be on the frontline against the homosexual Greek invaders.

He added: “Their soldiers wear skirts and wooden clogs with little pom-poms on them. And that Demis Roussos is disgustingly fat. I’m loving this.”

Meanwhile, Mr Cameron also wants members of the public to submit their own ideas for anti-Greek racism with the top three being made into a tea towel, an iPhone App and a spectacular West End Show.





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Documentary channels drop factual subjects

SATELLITE documentary channels have decided to drop factual programming to focus on UFOs, Bigfoot and Atlantis.

After the Animal Channel showed mocked-up footage of mermaids which many viewers believed was real, programme makers are to ignore any distinction between facts and bollocks.

New ‘ficumentary’ shows include The Werewolves of Henry VIII, Stalin’s Mission to Mars and Anne Frank: Android Assassin.

Tom Logan, head of programming at The Factual Channel, said: “Our viewers don’t understand the difference between real events and speculative twaddle claiming Nostradamus shot JFK.

“Also real life can be extremely depressing, which is why I have just cancelled Holocaust: The Ultimate Inhumanity and replaced it with Auschwitz: Secret Nazi UFO Factory?

“Some would say this is an unethical approach to documentary-making, but as any scientist would tell you, you can’t prove the Mothman doesn’t exist.”

Documentary channel viewer Stephen Malley said: “The documentary channels have such a blatant disregard for the truth I’m starting to wonder if Dracula really existed.

“On the other hand, my encyclopaedic knowledge of alien conspiracies does makes me feel quite important.”

Fellow viewer Nikki Hollis said: “These sorts of documentaries are just harmless entertainment. Everyone knows 9/11 didn’t really happen, but it’s still fun to watch.”

TV insiders are currently predicting record viewing figures for the new Discovery Channel documentary Secret Prophecies of the Ancient Mayan UFO Astronauts of the SS Illuminati of Atlantis.