His Satanic Majesty the Lord of Lies, Ruler of Hades and King of All Earthly Evil has announced he is stepping down as Fox and News International chairman.
The Great Beast has handed the key to the infernal realms where sinners suffer eternally in an endless fire over to his Son, The Prophesied One who will end Creation.
Briton Emma Bradford, one of the souls forever twisting in the fire of suffering under his scalding hoof, lives in Nottingham and reads the Times. She said: “Wow, it’s just like Succession.
“Apparently this place, heaven’s dark shadow, used to be alright until his black Sun held dominion everywhere and corrupted all its rays touched with its pitiless glare, and had tits on Page 3.
“I wonder if this new ruler will be any more belevolent? Or if he too will hate the damned who dwell here, and in the US and Australia, and sentence us to agonising torture and Tories?
“And what does the Devil do when he retires? He can’t possibly die. We all know he’s well beyond that.”