BORIS Johnson has told the British public that his ex is a crazy bitch and they should not believe any of his made-up stories.
The prime minister reassured the Commons that Dominic Cummings is way psycho, that he just could not handle being dumped and that no way had he pursued herd immunity because he cares about you, like, so much.
He continued: “Yeah so okay me and him had a thing a couple of times – Brexit, the election – but I always knew he was this total freakazoid so I was you know, arms length.
“And I guess he was around when this whole pandemic thing was going on but I didn’t even really notice him, y’know? Because I was so focused on you, who I love?
“And now he’s having this total meltdown in front of everyone which is so embarassing for him. As if I would ever get injected with Covid live on TV. Do I look stupid? Exactly.
“He’s just so obsessed with me he’d say anything to get my attention, and I totally don’t even care and I’m not listening and you shouldn’t either. You know I’m the good guy in all this, right? Exactly.”
Nathan Muir of Hitchin said: “He says all this, but the minute a general election’s called him and Cummings will be all over each other again.”