Friday, 4th December 2020

DUP to expand into f**king up other countries

THE DUP have confirmed they are not content with merely f**king up the UK and Ireland, and would like to move into f**king up bigger and better countries.

The party believes that their continual unhelpful interventions in the Brexit process have attracted attention on the world stage, and hope to set up franchises around the world. 

Leader Arlene Foster said: “We’ve got 10 MPs. We were elected with less than 300,000 votes. But we’ve proved our ability to bring far larger countries to their knees. 

“So The Little Party That Could F**k Things Up is going international. Whenever there’s a functioning democracy that needs everything bringing to a grinding halt, we’ll be there. 

“Imagine how great America could be if everything depended on the say-so of one party ruling one half of one tiny state who believed they were more American than anyone else. 

“Or Canada, or Nigeria, or China, or anywhere. All we need is one tiny foothold and we can frustrate everything. We’re the sand in democracy’s gears. 

“And it’s profitable. We’re looking at billions from this latest scam. And there’ll be more where that came from.”