BORIS Johnson has found himself in non-stop trouble recently. Here he explains the telltale signs that you might be irretrievably f**ked.
Absolutely everyone is ripping the piss out of you
And I mean everyone, from Phil and Holly to Gary Neville. If your bullshit has achieved such a level of cut-though that even plebs from football and the telly are calling you a twat to your face, you could well be screwed.
Someone defects to the other side
Politicians are usually pathetically loyal, especially Conservative ones who’ll do humiliating shit such as pretending to like and respect Iain Duncan Smith. So when one decides to join Captain Hindsight’s Lesbian Snowflake Party, you might have really ballsed things up.
An old bloke tells you to f**k off
Old people are demented duffers who nature is thankfully thinning out with Covid. If one has the nerve to stand up in front of all your colleagues and tell you in no uncertain terms to piss right off you should worry. Especially if it’s David Davis.
The Telegraph is losing faith
As a Tory, the Telegraph will adore you no matter what mad right-wing shit you come up with. Look at Priti and her plans to attack migrants with ‘sound cannons’. If the loony tunes Torygraph decides you’re wrong, you’re practically claiming to be God Emperor of the Universe while wearing a straitjacket.
Tim Martin doesn’t like you
If there was an annual competition to find Britain’s biggest bellend, Tim Martin would have won every year for the past two decades. When a monumental wanker like that calls you a hypocrite and thinks you’re a prize prick, you are definitely done for.