CONFUSED about why the Batley and Spen by-election is so controversial and why there are so many wankers involved? Read our Q&A.
Why is it so important?
It’s viewed as a test of whether Labour can win back white, working class voters. But a lot of them are just Brexit morons who think Belgium steals our fish. So don’t count on their political insights.
Who’s that bearded twat in a fedora?
George Galloway, the worst kind of opportunist. If they did Political Love Island he’d happily be shagging Ann Widdecombe doggystyle while shouting ‘YES! YES! YES!’ just to be on TV, which is a difficult image to remove from your brain.
Why are people throwing eggs?
It appears to be Islamist activists pissed off about everything from Palestine to lesbians. Being hit with an egg hurts, but they need to upgrade their armoury if they’re going to take on Israel.
What do most local Muslims think?
Who? The only people who have a true understanding of Batley and Spen’s local community are right-wing London-based pundits who are planning a weekend away in Cornwall after they’ve knocked out 800 words this afternoon.
What is Labour leader Keir Starmer doing?
Either keeping quiet or tacitly agreeing with people who don’t like Polish people. It’s this kind of high-minded idealism that will win Labour many votes. At some point.
So who will win?
The Conservatives, obviously. But not exactly a huge challenge when Brexit voters would pretend to like food shortages rather than accept they might have been wrong.