Five potential career moves for Melania Trump

WITH her husband due to leave the White House, Melania Trump is reported to be considering a range of career moves, drawing on her many skillsets. Here are some options.

Mink coat tailor

Come January, Melania plans to board the first plane to Denmark to kickstart her new mink fur collection, complete with provocative slogans such as ‘I don’t care about coronavirus… do you?’. Her Autumn/Winter range will also be embellished with bat epaulettes.

Madame Tussauds Melania Trump waxwork

One of Melania’s top skills is expressionlessly having her photo taken next to old white men, making her the perfect candidate to take over as her own waxwork in Madame Tussauds. The First Lady would slot in next to Michelle Obama’s waxwork, and it is expected that Melania will copy her exact pose.

Christmas interior decorator

Despite being recorded saying ‘Who gives a f**k about the Christmas stuff and decorations?’, Melania expects her new winter interiors business to really take off. Expect lifeless-looking trees and dull arrangements of joyless twigs: designs that really evoke their creator’s personality.

Brexit negotiator

The job of persuading Donald that he definitely has lost the election is going to be a tough one, but somebody has to do it. Melania could use the skills honed by negotiating her petulant husband out of the White House to persuade an equally recalcitrant UK to reach a deal.

Divorce lawyer

It’s hard to imagine what would keep her with Donald now that the lustre has worn off him and he’s turned into the type of crazed conspiracy theorist he was so good at encouraging. The First Lady plans to save some pennies by doing all the paperwork herself.

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Queen wondering if The Crown will show her mother getting massively pissed

QUEEN Elizabeth II is curious to see whether the new season of The Crown will show her mother getting as hammered as she did in real life, palace insiders have confirmed.

Her Royal Highness is reportedly hoping that the Queen Mother will be portrayed as the massive pisshead she was, as she believes this is ‘how dear old mummy would want to be remembered’.

A source said: “Her Majesty has such fond memories of coming down of a morning and seeing her mother enjoying a bowl of cornflakes and gin before challenging one of the footmen to a fight.

“Everyone at the palace felt it was a privilege to witness her pack it away. All those young lightweights like Liam Gallagher or Peter Doherty were never a patch on her.

“The Queen feels it would be a crying shame if viewers aren’t treated to at least one scene of her standing on the banqueting table belting out ‘Rule Britannia’ and waving a bottle of Martini above her head.

“At the very least it will distract from her tedious kids and their spouses. What an embarrassment.”