Five things to do if you’ve f**king had it up to here with Brexit

IF you really can’t face any more Brexit bullshit it could be time to make some radical life changes. Here are some suggestions.

Move to Syria

Yes, it’s incredibly dangerous, has been embroiled in a brutal civil war for years and is now mainly rubble, but we’re pretty sure the TV news isn’t bothered about Theresa May or the Irish backstop.

Change sides

If you voted Remain, become an ardent Leaver and vice versa. A change is as good as a rest and you’ll get a whole new perspective. If you voted Remain it will feel great to go “Ha! We won. Live with it!”. Or maybe not.

Run away to sea

Don’t the join the navy because you’ll be too busy ferrying food to Britain and won’t be in any exciting battles. Instead become a pirate, visiting exotic lands for delicacies you can’t get in the UK, eg. Brie.

Volunteer to help colonise Mars

Putting 40 million miles between yourself and BBC Question Time is eminently sensible. On the downside it’s totally barren, you’d never see your family again and you might have to be friends with Elon Musk.

Kill yourself

The only guaranteed way to make it all go away forever. It’s a bit of a high-risk strategy because there might not be a Heaven, and if it does exist they might be having a Brexit too.