RUMOURS that every left-wing national leader is secretly gay may arise from the bigoted dicks arrayed against them, research has found.
Whispers that Keir Starmer has enjoyed clandestine liaisons follow rumours that Macron is gay, that Macron’s wife is a man, that Obama is gay, that Obama’s wife is a man and very probably that Pitt the Younger was a raving homo who buggered peasants.
Analyst Norman Steele said: “No rumours that Theresa May was a lesbian. No suggestion that David Cameron was doing more than just hugging hoodies. No gossip about George W Bush blowing goats.
“But oddly, anyone left-wing – even if they’re not really, like Starmer – is immediately dogged by tattle they go with rent-boys, ignoring considerations like his being far too dull.
“Throughout the 80s there was not one rumour that Thatcher was a lesbian, despite being a testicle-stomping witch who only married her hard-drinking husband for money. Come on. She is such a femme power top they cast Gillian Anderson as her in The Crown.
“We believe these rumours come from right-wingers liking to think about freaky sex stuff all the time but knowing it’s bad, so they project it onto their hate figures.”
Reform UK voter Wayne Hayes said: “No way. I don’t want to rim Keir Starmer. Even though I often imagine how much he’d love it.”
