NIGEL Farage has been sitting on the edge of his bed in the dark crying and holding a signed photo of President Trump, according to friends.
The former UKIP leader believed he and Trump had “something special”, but admitted he has not received a call or text from the president in 18 months.
He said: “What happened? We were like brothers. Now Donald’s in Britain but he’s spending all his time with that cow Theresa May.
“We were great together. Two perma-tanned populists flaunting our fake man-of-the-people credentials to entice voters back to a bullshit past that never existed. How could it all go wrong?”
Farage then paused to clutch a pillow and weep copiously.
He finally continued: “What changed? I haven’t changed, except that I’m no longer in any position of power and everyone despises me. Is that it? Could he really be that shallow?
“I’ll be alright in a minute. Can you pass me that box of tissues?”