BY the time Liz Truss finishes speaking today, Britain will no longer exist. Here’s how it will happen minute-by-minute:
11.05am: Truss takes stage and opens mouth. FTSE falls 140 points.
11.07am: Truss finishes first, awkward sentence. Pound approaches parity with dollar. Bank of England raises interest rates by 1.5 per cent. Labour lead polls by 80 points.
11.11am: Truss attacks ‘the anti-growth coalition’. Energy blackouts begin across country unable to import gas or oil. General strike called.
11.15am: Truss says she’s sick of hearing Britain done down. IMF outlines multi-billion pound rescue package. Food rationing and curfews announced. Riots across UK.
11.18am: Truss says ‘where there is change, there is disruption’. Taking her at her word, moderate Tories storm stage to take power. Hand-to-hand fighting between Cabinet loyalists and bankbenchers sees hall run red with blood. Truss continues speaking.
11.22am: Rebels hold Parliament but loyalists hold Downing Street, encircled and under siege. King Charles dissolves government and declares himself leader, but is not recognised by UN. Truss talks about growing up in Leeds.
11.27am: Ireland, France and an independent Scotland close borders to refugees from Britain after admitting more than 15 million. Army unable to enforce martial law. Black markets only accept euros and dollars. Truss outlines her clear plan to deliver.
11.32am: England and Wales divided between feuding warlords. Cities in ruins, countryside heavily mined. Half the population feared dead. Liz Truss finishes speech, surprised not to receive standing ovation from empty, roofless, burning hall. Leaves stage.