FACING criticism from people who are clearly just well jealous of you, hun? Ignore the haters with this advice from me, Suella Braverman.
Grin like an idiot
Haters love to see you fail, so fight back like a girl boss while wearing a big moronic grin. The naysayers will soon forget that you were recently fired for breaching the ministerial code after an epic row with your old boss. Throw in some double thumbs-ups for good measure. You’re crushing this, queen.
Take some time out
Feeling burnt out from the criticism you faced after sending a professional email from a personal account? Take a well-earned week off before returning to work as if nothing had happened. Don’t worry about how you’ll afford it, the taxpayer will take care of that. This will really piss off the woke mob, which is all you should care about.
Double down
Remember how everyone was furious when you shared your dream about flying asylum seekers to Rwanda? Wreak petty vengeance by getting your old job back then doubling down on your unpopular ideas. Sure, it’ll piss off the snowflakes, but well-behaved women never make history. Meanwhile you’re going to be remembered as a turd that won’t flush.
Live your best life
Living well is the best revenge. So when the haters start giving you shit hold your head up high, strut to work, and remember that you’re living your dream life while they’re just scrabbling around in the dirt protesting about human rights. They clearly wish they were you, which is understandable. You are goals!
Listen to inspirational music
Facing negative feedback everywhere you turn? Chuck in your EarPods and turn Beyoncé up to the max. As well as drowning out the haters, it’ll also silence that little voice in your head which says ‘Maybe you’re the problem after all?’ You hate that voice, it never shuts the f**k up.
