STRUGGLING to block out the mental image of Carrie Johnson doing… you know? Follow this advice.
Focus on work
You might be knackered from a busy week of scrolling social media and checking your inbox, but it’s important you don’t slack off now. If your brain is allowed a moment’s rest it could easily drift onto Carrie Johnson on her knees in front of – oh thank f**k, there’s a restructuring meeting all afternoon.
Take up a hobby
Not working today? You can still distract your traumatised brain by immersing yourself in a new hobby. Painting and swimming are good shouts, but maybe avoid glass blowing or learning the slide whistle. The undertones are far too similar to the thing we’d rather not mention, and the latter makes a saucy, suggestive noise which could be triggering.
Cut out porn
You might think that watching professionals doing the Carrie and Boris… thing… would clear your mental palate, but you’d be wrong. Instead there’s a risk you’ll project their faces onto the bodies of porn stars innocently going about their work. And what if you end up getting off to that? You’ll never be able to look at yourself in the mirror again.
Have a nap
The easiest way to escape your thoughts is to get into bed and lose consciousness. You’ll grab a few hours’ respite from the ordeal of blocking out [redacted for your mental health], plus you’ll wake up feeling refreshed and restored. That’s unless your subconscious lets rip and plays out the deed as a strange erotic nightmare.
Spiritual types like to cross their legs and focus on their breathing in order to empty their mind and exist only in the moment. But it probably also prevents you thinking about – ah shit, you’ve just thought about it again haven’t you? Horrible. In his nasty messy office. Dilyn might have been watching too. Ew.